“The butterfly is a powerful symbol in
myth and religion. In early Christianity, it was a symbol of the soul. In
China, it was used as a symbol of conjugal bliss and joy. In Hopi tradition,
unmarried girls of the butterfly clan wore their hair in the shape of butterfly
wings. In Indian lore are stories of how butterflies come when called by
children of the Nez Perce tribe. To the Native Americans, the butterfly is a
symbol of change, joy, and color.” (Andrews, T. 2015: 339)
2015
was a traumatic year for me. It was a year in which pain taught me so many
important life lessons leading to my awakening and my (ongoing) metamorphosis.
2015 was a year for which I am grateful.
Pain,
whether physical, emotional, or any other, is an indicator that something is
wrong and we need to take action. But I chose, like many of us do, to ignore
that sign. I was choosing to live with pain, thinking of it as something I am
meant to endure until...well, until it goes away and doesn’t hurt anymore,
however long that takes and whenever that will be. All the while, I didn’t
realise that I was in fact fundamentally avoiding the pain altogether; I was
avoiding the truth and preventing myself from actively finding a real cure for
my suffering.
Then,
during this traumatic and painful period, a moment came that ruptured all
meaning that my mind had given to my life. My perception of reality collapsed
and I was left feeling broken with a shattered sense of life as I knew it. I
suppose in many ways it was a defining experience that Eckhart Tolle (2016),
amongst others, refers to as the ‘dark night of the soul’. And from this
experience, a spiritual awakening, a destined one at that, took place and I
emerged transformed; the light of life reignited from its dulled spark into
beautifully wild flames inside of me, and I was ready to live a more authentic
life. I had stepped onto my path of transmutation.
I
say transmutation instead of transformation as I personally feel there is a
nuance of difference between meanings of these two terms. I feel transformation
is at a more surface level – there was a change in my thoughts, emotions,
actions, and appearance that were all visible to others around me. I was
different from the person I used to be. And, transmutation is like the butterfly...
my very nature and being changed. I was becoming the person I was always meant
to be. Just as the caterpillar digests itself inside the chrysalis, melting away
entirely and turning into the liquid from which the butterfly will emerge, I
too went through a process of disintegration, or ‘death’, and then, rebirth
into life again.
It
was very shortly after this defining moment that I finally, and decisively, let a part of my life die; I needed to, in
order for me to feel my energy rising again and to live a fuller, richer, more
authentic life. All existence and matter goes through a process of
life-death-life; whether it’s the Hindu and Buddhist concepts of reincarnation or
Saṃsāra (birth/death/rebirth), the biggest brightest star in a galaxy, a relationship, a
fragrant flower, or a microscopic cell in the process of apoptosis. It’s the
cyclicality of all things – many endings and many beginnings “...all follow this cycle of rising, descending, and
rebirth to new energy, fresh life again” (Pinkola Estés, C. 2010). We can go through this
process over many years, several months, and even in one day!
Through
this process of metamorphosis, which was a painful struggle (I struggled more
than I needed to by avoiding the truth for a long time), I journeyed through
entropy; I dissolved in the darkness of my life falling apart around me. The
chrysalis that surrounded me and protected me from further harm was the love
and support of my closest friends and sisters; my most kindred spirits and
connections with beautiful individuals who I was only able to discover, and for
one special soul ‘re’discover, through this dark period of my life. From all of
these experiences, the light inside me shone (and continues to shine) stronger
and brighter; I grew into a new state of being,
physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually – with a renewed perspective and a rejuvenated
zest for living.
The
moth and butterfly spirit guides were with me for almost 6 to 8 months leading
up to the problems that happened last year, but I had lost my way and had been
blind to their signs and insensitive, almost completely neglectful, of my own intuition!
That was a VERY important lesson I learned! I would sit outside in a big local
park and close my eyes – upon opening there’d be a moth or a butterfly on me;
or meditating at home and when opening my eyes a moth would fly by right in
front of my face (not to mention I had started to feel a moth infestation in the
place where I previously lived, there were just SO many at times), or a
butterfly would flutter in through the window, dance around my head and flutter
back out again (...... I really chose not to see, huh!). The butterflies and
moths are still around, fluttering in to my life in one way or another on a
daily basis. They dance with joy, guide me, show me that I am on my path (or reveal
that I’m forgetting some vital aspect of myself or my life, which is often the
case!), but also, that the path of transmutation is not one with a fixed
destination; it’s a path of continual evolution.
I
simply to try live every day with more authenticity, being true to myself, my intuition,
my inner wild-woman, my inner goddess, and the Divine Feminine Energy that
flows within and through me. I try to be more of service for the highest good
and to vibrate from a frequency of love and not think and act from a place of
ego. It’s not easy, that’s for sure and I often stumble! But I am surrounded by
the love and light of the Great Spirit and I choose to trust the Universe.
For
a while now, the idea for this blog has been niggling at me. Sometimes waking
me up in the middle of the night with effervescent ideas that I forget as
slumber all too quickly envelopes me again. Then, one day, I decided to trust this feeling
(took me long enough), sit down and finally create this blog! Ta-daa! J
I hope to fill this teeny-tiny corner of the Internet with stories, projects,
events, experiences, information, and inspirations that will be useful and contribute
in some positive way for others who are on their awakened paths and wanting a
little encouragement, help, and/or support along the way (just as I needed/wanted
and still do). This blog is also simply a space to share our valuable insights
with each other, learn together (as I am, by no means, a fountain of knowledge!),
grow collectively, and practice giving to the ever expanding community of souls
that take to the Internet, as a small part of general activities, to spread
positive energy and try to make the Earth (even if it’s just a tiny piece of it
in our own lives or immediate surroundings and locality) a more balanced and harmonious
place.
I’ll
end my first blog entry (Whoooo, excited!) with a quote that so elegantly summarises
how I felt when my wounds of last year allowed me to finally open the door,
pouring light into me, and replenishing my life with wild feminine power:
“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but
precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old
story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost
cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a
sane life, that is a door.” ― Clarissa
Pinkola Estés
Andrews, T. (2015), Animal Speak: The Spiritual and Magical Powers of Creatures Great and
Small. Llewellyn: Minnesota
Pinkola Estés, C. (2010), ‘How
do Women Get More in Touch With the Life-Death-Life Universal Cycle?’, from Whole
Woman Inc.
Pinkola Estés, C. (2008), Women Who Run with the
Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. Rider:
London
Eckhart Tolle (2011): <http://www.stillnessspeaks.com/>
